DEAD CHEF – EPISODE 2 “There are some real sickos round these parts”


A SCRAWNY SHADOW walks into shot, kicks a TWO HEADED RAT off a NEWSPAPER, picks the newspaper up and walks out of shot.

A NEWLY REFURBISHED ‘Unfinished Business’ sign glints in the early morning sun, the only remotely clean thing in sight.

HALF A DOG runs away from A HUGE CAT which seems to be carrying the dogs other half in its snout, leaving a trail of blood and guts as it goes.

THE BEAUTIFUL MORNING LIGHT slowly shines over the garbage, shit, and decay that have accumulated over centuries.

SPOOKY PIANO MUSIC plays in the background. THE SHUTTER is raised from inside. A SHADOW is seen.


MORS stands behind the counter, his BONY HAND waving erratically whilst holding a lit CIGARETTE which is spreading ash everywhere, his other hand quickly taking the stained CHEF HAT that leaned on the counter and placing it on what used to be his head, a SPIDER OR THREE rustle away as he does so.

An empty PACKET OF CAMEL LIGHTS lies on the counter and was at some point used as an ash tray, it’s lined with cigarette butt burns and might even be smouldering slightly, although it’s hard to tell with how smokey the whole room is in general.

His wife MANIA is reading a newspaper next to him. Her face is covered, only bony fingers and the top of her CHEF HAT can be seen.


(even whilst waving he sounds miserable, the epitome of fed up)

Hello and welcome to Unfinished Business. Some greedy fucker came in yesterday and bought himself a shitload of food, pretended it was for a bus load of kids on a school trip or some shit, so we finally managed to upgrade that fucking sign and get a new B on Business, not that it will make a difference in this shit heap of a neighbourhood, probably be vandalised within the week, you hear me?


(from behind the newspaper, slightly distracted and mumbly)

Mhm, erm, you read the paper today hun?


(in his drollest possible voice)

Newspapers make me depressed, I prefer keeping a positive outlook on life. None of the rapings, hijackings, and Trumps of the World for me thank you very much. I lived my life and had enough of that to do me through death too. Why? What’s up?


(still from behind her paper)

Bus load of school kids was found poisoned down the road. All dead. All shat themselves a bunch before calling it quits too according to this. Place was a mess when they found it.  Apparently, the police officer who found it threw up and then passed out before calling it in, took another couple of hours for him to come to, Driver’s on trial for murder, he tried skipping town and was caught late last night.


I tell you. There are some real sickos round these parts love, I’ve been telling you for centuries and you know it, all these Manson Family fans and all the fucking films and TV programs egging them on. Doesn’t surprise me one bit.


(still mumbling from behind the paper)

Mhm, sure hun.



Erm, love?


(puts down the paper and looks at Mors)



Yes, well, that whole conversation reminded me .. is there a release date for that new Tarantino film in there anywhere?


You mean the one about the Manson Family you hypocritical piece of shit?


Well .. yeah, but, it’s Tarantino. The man can do no wrong and you know that. I mean, he can smash up vintage guitars, he can have women beat up and I mean, seriously, have you heard how much he uses the “N” word in his films?


(screaming angrily, starts poking Mors with the newspaper)

YOU *poke* SAY *poke* THAT *poke* AS *poke* IF *poke* IT’S *poke* A *poke* GOOD *poke* THING *poke*!

POLICE OFFICER who has been waiting patiently gives a polite cough.


He’s right you know. Tarantino can do wrong. Now, can we get our order? We need to get back to the station and sort a shit load of paper work out for this school bus incident. I’ll tell you though, just between us, this town is full of weirdos, I hate the fucking place.



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Misael Trujillo – Food Scouts

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