Dead Chef – Episode 1 “The Pilot”

Welcome Internet traveller, well done for digging further into this grave, you have stumbled across:

DEAD CHEFS – COMING SOON

EPISODE 1

Written by Misael Trujillo

EXT: UNFINISHED BUSINESS TAKEAWAY SHOP. MORNING

GARBAGE rolls across more GARBAGE.There might be a FLOOR under it. A RAT chases A CAT and A COCKROACH chases the RAT. BROKEN AND RUSTY MACHINERY leans against THE CRACKING, GRAFFITIED WALLS, every once in awhile, bits fall off, causing a loud bang. The local cockroach infestation stampede to safety .
THE “I” OFF THE SIGN is barely hanging on and THE “B” is on the ground next to A BROKEN AND FORGOTTEN GO-KART.

SPOOKY PIANO MUSIC plays in the background. THE SHUTTER is raised from inside. A SHADOW is seen. Cut to:

INT: UNFINISHED BUSINESS TAKEAWAY. MINUTES LATER

TWO SKELETONS wearing CHEF HATS stand behind a STAINED AND STICKER COVERED COUNTER. This is MORS and MANIA. You can identify Mors by his almost toothless hole of a mouth and you can identify Mania by her obviously fake eyelashes and carefully applied lipstick (lips have, unfortunately, long gone). Unfinished Business is their takeaway, this is their life, or rather, their death. They are both, obviously, miserable.

Sizzling sounds can be heard but no food can be seen due to counter height.

MORS
(deep sigh, ultimate gloom)
Hello and welcome to Unfinished -usiness. The B fell off around the same time as my cock did.

MANIA
Always the bitter one about that! When will you let it go? Every two seconds I have to put up with cock this and cock that. How many times do I have to tell you? You’ll FUCKING scare off the customers with language that foul, you old bag of bones.

MORS
What fucking customers? The only things I’m bitter about is letting you convince me to buy this dump of a place, I mean look at it!

MANIA
Oh. OH! Blame it all on me why don’t you. It’s not like you hated your old job or anything. RIGHT? And you don’t ever fucking mention the fact that you FUCKING poisoned us before we even got a chance to open, do you? Noooo, we always forget that little detail don’t we love?

MORS
(slightly annoyed, but mostly still depressed)
I kept telling you I was a shitty cook, I literally kept telling you, I’m all people skills and zero cooking skills I said, but no, you had to force me into working the kitchen didn’t you? Don’t you dare blame me for proving the fact that, as I’d warned you, I’M A SHITTY CHEF! You had fair warning.

MANIA
(big sigh, slightly apologetic)
You know I’m scared of the big ass rats love, and those scary looking cockroaches, I swear they eat the cats sometimes. It just gave me the heebie jeebies working in there.

MORS
Yeah, well you know I’m scared of commitment don’t you? But it’s going to take us another couple of centuries, at least, to finish paying off this place wont it!

MANIA
You’re a FUCKING COCK Mors, you know!

CUSTOMER who has been waiting patiently scratches his head.

PATIENT CUSTOMER
(shy and apologetic for interrupting)
Excuse me, could I just have whatever’s quickest? I’m bloody starving and I have to get back to my shift in 10 minutes or my manager will go apeshit at me.

MANIA
(sweetly)
I’m sorry my dear, completely forgot you were there, that’s what happens when your brain’s been mush for the past 190 years.

MORT
(smugly)
I told you dear. No one’s going to mind hearing the word cock every once in awhile. Cut to:

EXT: SECONDS LATER. CREDITS

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